We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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