I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
