There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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