and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
