WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
