the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize