I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
