So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
