billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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