I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
