Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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