hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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