Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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