I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
