There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
