just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
