Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
