The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
