it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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