are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
