so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
