So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
