I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
