Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
