if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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