And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
