I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
