Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
