i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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