A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
