She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
