How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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