I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
