Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
