wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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