There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
