First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
