just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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