Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
