Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
