I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
