I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
