I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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