They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
