And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
