you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
