just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
