You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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