we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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