could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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