So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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