at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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