Don't make out with my wife yet
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
