i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic