I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.