So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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