i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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