I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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