wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need water and some morals
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
