Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
