i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
