Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
