All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
