i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
