and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
