I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
